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 So confused...
What the fuck am I doing???
 Its so strange.. For most of my life I battled with a life threatening eating disorder.
It's not until now, almost a month after the break up with my "wanna be bride" that I've lost more weight then I ever have in my entire life even without trying!

Life is funny as FUCK!
God I love you!

Not even here really

 So tired & cold....
I am trying to turn my frown upside down, but all I see is her living happily ever after without me...

When did my fairy-tale die?
So, cold....

Nov. 5th, 2010

 Dear Diary....
 
I FEEL SO LOST.
I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT AT TIMES I FEEL I CAN'T BREATH.
THE MERE THOUGHT OF NOT BEING ABLE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER IS SO VERY, VERY PAINFUL...
AT TIMES I FEEL LIKE I WONT BE ABLE TO SHOW HER A BRAVE FACE, BUT I MUST TRY. SHE DESERVES SOMEONE SPECAIL AND BEAUTIFUL. AND EVERYTHING THAT I JUST CANT GIVE.
RI


 

Frozen

 Dear diary,
It's been awhile since I've updated.... So much has happened....
I fell in love, I thought she was the one.. I've been planning the ring I was going to give to her, I saved all the money I needed.. Every night I would picture her holding me and our children... NOW... Well she doesn't like me anymore... I told myself that If I failed to make her happy I would give up my life, when I go home, my heart will stay here forever and I will sleep.

Goals + Current Stats


1st Goal weight = 53kg or 116.6lbs
2nd Goal weight = 52kg or 114.4lbs
3rd Goal weight = 51kg or 112.2lbs

4th Goal weight = 50kg or 110lbs
5th Goal weight = 49kg or 107.8lbs

29/06/10 - Current weight = 51kg or 112.2lbs
29/06/10 - Current BMI = 19.2
Height = 163cm or 5'4

I am back...

Dear diary,

It has been such a very long time since I have updated you, unfortunantly I have been distracted by my current lifestyle, of study and work.
Since we last had a chat I started back at work and became an assistant in the pre-kindy room. I also had a boyfriend whom I dumped three months later because I could no longer ignore the disgust I felt with myself when I was around him. Although my life has steadily gotten back on track my heart will never be whole again... There will always be a large gap were she should have been.
Catherine is back in my life again, the one whom I feel may be my soul-mate...Although she mostly ignores my existence. So again I am all alone, torn between what is right and what is wrong...


So tomorrow I begin my emergency diet once again, the only way I know how to cope.

Current Stats:

CW: 53kgs
Height: 5'3
GW1: 52kgs
GW2: 51kgs
GW3: 50kgs

Goodnight!
Love Gioia xo


 


Baby I'm back


So... I'm back again.. Big suprise there...

hmm here are my ccurrent stats:

CW: 52kg
H: 163
BMI: 19.6

So.. Here are my new goals.

1stGW: 51kg
2ndGW: 50kg
3rdGW: 49kg
4thGW: 48KG
FinalGW: 47kg

The final weight has to be achieved by 21st birthday which is... Drum roll... 28th of May.

I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this

Sorry


So.. I'm back after a long, long binge. Fatter then ever, sorrier then ever.
Let me make it up to you, let me be perfect!

xo G

(p.s)
I shall post a plan tomorrow.

Day 1.



Exercise

10:30am = 250 Arm weights (150x arm)
11:30am =  2hours of heavy duty cleaning
4pm =  

Total burnt =

Food

10am = 1 bowl of WW ice cream & berries = 93kcals
12pm = 1bowl of lentls and salad = 150kcals

2pm =
4pm =
6pm =

Total Consumed =


Extras

Consume = 500kcals p/day
Consume = 3500kcals p/week
1 Pound of fat = 3500kcals
Must burn more then = 3500kcals p/week
Aim to burn = 600kcals per day (through exercise) = 4200kcals p/week

New Beginings

Exercise

10:30am = 200 skips = 41kcals
11:30am = 20min jog =147kcals
12:30am = 200 skips = 41kcals

4pm         = 1 hour walk = 209kcals
8pm         = 100 sit ups  (10mins) =  
73kcals

Total burnt = 511kcals


Food

10am = 1 medium apple = 72kcals
11am = 1 small pear = 81kcals

12pm = 1 eggwhite veggie omelet = 100kcals
6pm   = 1 bowl of lentils & green beans  = 150kcals
7pm   = 1 cup of  WW ice cream w/berries = 93kcals

Total Consumed = 500kcals


Extras

Consume = 500kcals p/day
Consume = 3500kcals p/week
1 Pound of fat = 3500kcals
Must burn more then = 3500kcals p/week
Aim to burn = 600kcals per day (through exercise) = 4200kcals p/week

Stupid little Girl


I tried to recover!!!! (haha 5 hours)

In other words I ate like a greedy bitch...! As if I were a famine victim..

Ana: "Wrong Gioia, you are not a victim your just pathetic!
You disappoint me, I actually thought that we could be friends you and I... Friends don't stab each other in the back or did you forget that when your greedy mouth was stuffed with filth? Do you feel better now? I cried for you! Why didn't you answer me when I called?! Gioia!!!"

Me: "I apologise ana, no-one loves me like you do, your the only one who is honest and strong, you only want what is best for me and I just let you down... Will you take me back..? Please?"

Ana: "I will always be with you Gioia... Tomorrow we shall talk again... Be prepared!"

Me: "Yes, Mam..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow I shall make a whole new set of rules... Until then, goodnite.

Day 47.

I lost weight from yesterdays binge im now @ 51.9kgs!!!! woooot!

Food & Exercise LogCollapse )Food & Exercise LogCollapse )

Day 46. Very ill!


okay, okay I've stuffed up majorly...
Yesterday evening I bought a bottle of Hydroxycut Super Strength diet pills, I took 2 pills an hour before dinner...
Nothing major happened although I could not fall asleep till 2am.

So this morning when I woke up I took another 2 pills before breakfast, felt fine for 20mins then all of sudden I developed these sharp stabbing pains in my gut so I tried to drink some water... I fainted 1/2 through drinking a glass of water then vomitted everwhere, then got diaheere. I'm in bed now after an hour sleep and feel a little better although very weak and jittery.....

I thought I was going to die...
I guess diet pills are not good when your consume so little calories :/

Food & Exercise LogCollapse )

Day 45.

Weigh In Day

Okay; so far I have reached my third GW, unfortunately I did not reach my fith GW today but I am praying that I can ahieve GW number five by next Monday which is the day I visit my psychiatrist.

Stats

SW = 57kgs or 125.4lbs(20.05.09)
CW = 52.7kgs or 115.9lbs (25.06.09)
Total Weight loss so far = 4.3kgs or 9.5lbs

GW 1. = 55kg (28.05.09)
GW 2. = 54kgs (11.06.09)
GW 3. = 53kgs (18.06.09)

GW 4. = 52kgs
GW 5. = 51kgs
GW 6. = 50kgs
GW 7. = 49kgs
GW 8. = 48kgs
GW 9. = 47kgs
GW 10. = 46kgs
GW 11. or UTGW = 45kgs

 

 

Day 44.

Foof & Exercise logCollapse )

So I've started to develop this scary new way to get  high...
Cut whilst in a hot bath so that the blood flows freely.
It makes me feels light and airy, and faint all at the same time...
Oh dear I am crazy!!!

NEXT monday my physc is gonna kill me :(

Day 43.

Day 42.

Day 41.

Day 40.

Day 39.

Day 38.

Day 37.


Weigh in day = 53kgs or 116.6lbs WOOT so far I've lost 5kgs or 11lbs   :)

Food & Exercise LogCollapse )Food & Exercise LogCollapse )



 


 

Day 36.

Day 35.

Day 34.

Day 33.

Day 32.

Day 31.

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